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JOSIE'S POEMS
HOW TO GET ON IN SOCIETY
By John Betjeman
and:Do Come for Tea, Dear by . . . . Josie
HOW TO GET ON IN SOCIETY
By John Betjeman
Phone for the fish knives, Norman
As cook is a little unnerved;
You kiddies have crumpled the serviettes
And I must have things daintily served.
Are the requisites all in the toilet?
The frills round the cutlets can wait
Till the girl has replenished the cruets
And switched on the logs in the grate.
It's ever so close in the lounge dear,
But the vestibule's comfy for tea
And Howard is riding on horseback
So do come and take some with me.
Now here is a fork for your pastries
And do use the couch for your feet;
I know that I wanted to ask you-
Is trifle sufficient for sweet?
Milk and then just as it comes dear?
I'm afraid the preserve's full of stones;
Beg pardon, I'm soiling the doileys
With afternoon teacakes and *scones.
* scones - pronounced either scOnes or scons - a heavy O in the south of England and a light o in the midlands and north. Of course, for rhyming you have to use the heavy O in this poem. John Beteman was born and grew up in London, in the south of England. I come from the Midlands, so it's scons (scones) for me.
I'd have to say:
Tea with some milk or without, dear?
Oh do have a nice home-made scone.
You may like some strawberry jam on it,
But it looks like the butter’s all gone.