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The church clock is striking and now it’s midnight

And at Riverside Cottage there comes on a light.

     A man in pyjamas comes out of his door

     Rejecting his bed and his night-time snore.

 

Armed with his weapons, he remembers the spot

For it's right over there on the vegetable plot.

    'The midnight raiders have all had their fun

     But now I’m remembering this number one!'

 

'I’ll teach them a lesson they’ll never forget.

I will murder them all and this isn’t a threat!'

   He listens!  He hears them: 'crunch, crunch, crunch!'

   They’re snacking away at their favourite lunch.

 

'Oh those slugs and those snails!  Well hello my dears!

I’ve brought for you here a nice glass of beer.

   This brew is the best.  Come, smell the good yeast.

   Have a wonderful drink with your midnight feast!'

 

The church clock is striking.  It’s quarter to one.

'I’ll return to my bed for my job has been done.'

     Next morning he goes to the scene of the crime

     And counts the dead bodies from one up to nine.

 

'I'm sorry I killed you, my dear little friends,

But, I truthfully think you had a good end.

     You ate and you drank and then had a good swim,

     But the rest of your story was awfully grim!'

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