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Funny Poems

By Josie Whitehead

Note:  Sellars Salve (for all wounds) was the invention of my husband's great grandmother, and in fact, it didn't do all the things in my poem, ie used for growing hair!! hmm.  A poet is entitled to turn a tin of cream into a poem, but nevertheless it was famous and much sought-after.  On the right above is the real top of the tin.


By Josie Whitehead

Granny Sellars' Magic Salve

Bruises, cuts and septic wounds,

     Swollen glands, dog bites;

Blisters, bunions, scalds and boils -

     And bruises after fights -


Well, Granny Sellars’ Magic Salve

     Is just the thing you need.

Squeeze from the tube and rub it on

     And do this with some speed.


Granny Sellars’ Magic Salve

     Is good for thinning hair.

It’s also good for wrinkly skin

     But use it with some care.


One woman that I heard about

     Rubbed salve upon her chest.

‘And did it cure her chesty cough?’

     ‘Well she was not impressed!’


When next day she began to dress,

     She had a huge surprise,

And from her bathroom, loud and clear

     Came very anguished cries.


Her chest was coated thick with hair

     But it hadn’t stopped at that,

For hair was spreading thick and fast

     And covered all her back.


So when you use this Magic Salve

    Just take a little care.

You could look like a monkey does

    With a body full of hair.

Copyright on all my poems

monkey .jpg
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