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Funny Poems

By Josie Whitehead

Had a Nice Weekend (Peter's - 2).jpg

This beautiful Illustration is by Peter Hudspith.  Thank you Peter.

This is one poem of twenty which will be in a new book which is due out soon.  The illustration is special.  It represents my granddaughter Jessica who, aged just six years of age, recited (not read) this poem two days after her 6th birthday, when her teacher said, on Monday morning:

'Had a Nice Weekend?  Has anyone done anything special?  Your children will surely want my new book and I hope they'll recite this poem on Monday morning when you ask this question.  


Children love funny poems and, when I'm lucky enough to visit them in their classrooms some of them will have chosen a funny poem to perform.  I hope you like them too.  Josie

Adventure of Samuel Spencer
      Smile (The)
All at Sea 
All Change
All in the Name of Poetry
All Those Silly People
An Armadillo Bought a Pillow
Are You a Master of Pasta?
Ask Them and You'll See 
Baldicoot (The) 
Bananas and Poems - A Limerick
Be More Friendly, Wag Your Tail

Be Careful What You Wish For
Best Punishment for Boys (The)
Better Than the Rest
Betty's Butty 
Big Bad Maggie 

Big Thanks to Google
Bless My Soul, It's Aunty
Bleezer's Ice Cream
Brave Brave Sledderclob
Cameras Never Lie
Can Poetry Make You Sick?
Canine Maths
Can't Spell, Won't Spell 

Cat is a Cat for All That (A)
Catch That Flea
Cecilia Ssssnake
Certain Shopkeeper from Norwich (A)
Chatterbox Lucy
Chemistry Lesson (The)
Children's Questions

Chop Chop 
Chubby Puppy (The)
Collector of Words (The) 

Cow Machine (The) 
Crocodile Came For Tea (A)
Dad's Ergonomic Chair
Daddy's Sneezing Habit
Day of the Test (The)
Dear Father Christmas
Decision  Has Been Made (A)
Dinosaur Dinner
Dispatching Your Tickle
Do Come for Tea, Dear
Do's and Don'ts
Don't Be Scared
Don't Be Shy
Don't Pick, Don't Pick
Don't Scream When You First 
      Meet a Ghost!
Don't Serve Your Daddy Junk Food
Dragon Woman 
Dreaming of Monsters  
Easy Peasy - But What a Squeezy!
Eat a Snake in a Cake?

Exercise is Good for You
Family Resemblances
Fidgety Fred
Fifty Pairs of Shoes, Please
Fish and Chips Again
Fish That Swallowed Granny's 
     Teeth (The)
Flomping Wergles
Floppopotamus (The)
Fly and Flea

Forgive Me, Mum
Friendly Lesson (The)

Frolicking Frog (A)
Fruit and Vegetables 
     May Not be Good for You
Fruit is Good for You 
Fruity Kind of Love (A)
Georgie Boy and the Dragon
Get Some New Interests!!
Giant's Pants (A)
Giggling Gertie
God, Save Me From Them All!
Granddad Goes to Nursery School 

Granddad's Nightmare
Granddad's Toupee
Granny's Parrot 
Granny Sellar's Magic Salve
Granny's Stew

Gran's Cuckoo Clock
Greedy Bookworm (The)
Green Folk of Babonga (The)
Had a Nice Weekend?

Have You Ever Considered a Bear Hug?
Heaven Only Knows!

Help - I've Swallowed a Rhyme
Henry the Super-Sucker

Hidden Interior (A)
High Flyers
His Nose on His Knee

Hop Till You Drop

House Full of Smellies (A)

How Do Children Taste?

How Do Dragons Toast Their Bread?
Hug a Bug or Kiss a Slug?
Human Burger (A)
Hypochondriac (The)
I Can't Tell a Toad from a Shark
I Couldn't Eat a Whole One
I Forget
I Heard a Lion Roaring
I Keep a Penguin in my Pocket
I Know Just the Place
I Like Words on Toast 
I Should Have Gone Shopping
I Wish
I'll Never Be a Laureate
I'll Teach You How to Scare
I'm a Dinky Do-Do
I'm a Hap Hap Happy Hippo
I'm Doing Really Fine
I'm Perfectly Normal You Know
I've Had a Good Day
I've Too Many Miles on My Clock
Ice Cream Stream (An)
Ickledy, Mickledy - Pickledy Too!
Identity Acceptance
If I Were A . . . . . 
If I Were a Lion
If I Were But a Big Baboon
If Pigs Could Fly 
If I Were Not Afraid
If You Lived in a Dictionary
In the Learning Stream
In Search of Mr Right
Insomniac Poet (The)
Is It Friday 13th or . . . ?
It Could Be Worse
It Could Have Been You 
It's All Too Clear
It's a Ghostie, My Dear
It's Harvest Thanksgiving
It's Monster Week 
It's Not All Bad, Is It?
It's Parents' Party Day
It's Raining Cats and Dogs
It Was Such a Nice Party
Johnny's Runny Nose
Land of No Ideas (The)
Laugh-a-Lot Tree (The)
Laughter Can Heal Hurts
Lie-Abed Johnny
Limerick is Something You Eat (A)
Lots of Greedy Monsters
Lucky to be Alive
Mary Had a Little Lamb
Matter of Taste (A)
Mattinee and Mints
Meet Percy Bacon
Miss Monster
Missing Ewe
Missing That Test
Missing Subject's Poetry (The)
Mistaken Identity
Mole in a Hole (A)
Monsters, Monsters, Everywhere 
Monstrous Thing to Happen (A)
Mother Him But  . . . 
Mr Boring 
Mr Minute
Mr Monster Maths
Mr Pedantic
Mr Right and Mr Wrong
Mr Sanctimonious
Mrs What's-a-Name
Mucky Duck Limerick
My Giggle Escaped
My Granddad
My Hairy Scary Monster
My Warm Woolly Knickers
Myrtle the Turtle and Friends
Name Calling
Naming Your Puss-Cat
National Pets' Day
National Poetry Day?
No More Snacks Please
No Time
Noodles and Doodles
Nose Pickers - Beware 
Not a Lot 

Not Done Your Homework?

Ode to the Computer Mouse

Oh, Dear, Dear, Dear and . . . .

Oh Fiddledy-Diddledy-Dee

Oh How We Laughed

Oh What a Mess!

Old King Compost

Old King Kan

Old Vigilante (An)

On Being Bossy

Ooooh!  You Little Scamp

Our School's Like a Zoo

Our Wonky Donkey

Passport Photo (The)

Parenting Class (The)

Peas Please

Penelope Pickle's Party

Penelope Pigglewiggle's Pear

Percival Preedy's Awfully Greedy

Percy Peckle Pickled a Pear

Peter, the Pesky Pigeon

Pigs Prefer First Class 

Pirate Poet (The)

Plastic Surgery Hippo-Style

Playing April Fool

Poems for Posterity

Poetically Motivated

Poetry Soup 

Polite Notice 

Pompous Percy

Poor Cuckoo

Pour It Into a Poem, Dear

Problem of Getting Older (The)

Quackers, the Nuisance Duck

Real Story of Goldilocks

Really Posh New Loos

Red Riding Who?

Retail Therapy

Reveal Yourself

Rhyming is Contagious

Riddeling Siddeling

Route to School (The)

Rush Hour

School Dinners

Searching for Aunty

See-Saw - Oh What a Bore

Season of Fruitfulness

Selective Memory

Seven Blue Milking Cows

Shall I Compare Thee to a Winter's



Sharing Your Classroom

Show Respect

Silly Milly

Sing a Song of Junk Food

Sing Some Songs of Silliness

Sleepy Sue-Ellen 

Smell Detector (The)

Sound Stealer (The)

Splish, Splash, Splosh

Squiggly Squall (The)


Story of Mustav That (The)

Strawberry Dear

Stupid Incy Wincy Spider 

Sweet Art of Enticement (The)

Sydney Sleep

Table Manners for the Young

Talking Taste

Talking Taste Mosquito-Style

Teacher's One Big Mistake (The)

Tea Leaves Tell

Teenage Bedroom (The)

Thanksgiving Day

That Itchy Itch

They Call Me Mr Handsome

Three Cheers for Bangers and Mash

Three Giants 

Time to Go

Tiny Toes

Toffee's Not Good for You

Trip Denouncer

Tripping the Light Fantastic

Trust a Giant?


Turning Over a New Leaf

Two Mangles and a Miggle 

Unlucky Friday 13th

Very Tasty Vegetable (The)

Wake Up Sleepy Shoes

Wally the Werk

Wasting My Valuable Time

Watching the Money Tree Grow 

We Saw It On the Tele

What Am I Giving Up for Lent?

What Rhymes with Elephants?

What Rhymes with Rhinoceros?

When God Created Adam

     and: God Created Woman Next

When I'm Hungry

When Mummy Wanted Tea in Bed

When the Monster Came to School

When the Wind Changes

Which is the Way to the Station?

Who'd Want to be Famous?

Who's the Best?

Will You Dance a Little Faster

Witch and Chips 

Witch Called Mabel (A)


Woman Who Comes from Sri Lanka

Words in a Cage

You Can't Scare Me

Your Family Tree

Your Five a Day

Your Flying Bed

Yummy Yummy Yummy Yum

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