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Funny Poems for Children

By Josie Whitehead

Josie 2.jpg


By Josie Whitehead

I'll Never Be a Laureate

I’ll never be a laureate:

     Well I'd have to meet the King,

And, whilst he knows that I write poems,

      Don't tell him I can't sing!


I’ll never be a laureate:

     Well, who wants poems that rhyme?       

Then laureates have lots to do

     And I have little time.


I’ll never be a laureate:

     I’m rather shy, you see,

And who wants Granny laureates?

      No - not the job for me!


I’ll never be a laureate:

     I’ve wrinkles on my face 

And, having failed the *eleven plus,

      I quickly learned my place.


I’ll never be a laureate:

     My hair has turned quite white,

Though some old grans write poetry

    That brings the kids delight!


I’ll never be a laureate:

    My teeth are falling out

And laureates are bright and slim

     Whilst I am dim and stout.

(Ooh - It's not quite true but it rhymes)


I’ll never be a laureate:

    My poems are much too clear -

For: ‘Analyse this *obscure verse

     Are words that students fear.


Well, who wants to be a laureate?

     Oh, after I have died

Perhaps you'll write my epitaph:

    ‘Her words went far and wide.’

Copyright on all my poems

*  obscure: not clearly understood.  Meant to confuse

or puzzle the reader.

When I was 11 years of age, we all took the '11 plus examination' which determined whether you went to Grammar School or not.  I failed and went to a secondary modern school where it was made quite clear to us that we were failures for life.  We were told we had a low IQ.  Writing poetry? No, no, no - although I did write one poem aged 11 and it was published in our school magazine.  (See here).  It has since been published and was chosen by teachers and children in many schools.  We were never taught about rhyme or metre, but I used to love reading the poems of the popular children's poets and if you want to write poetry, do this too.   I hope this examination NEVER comes back.  I was told at 11 years of age that I could not become a teacher because I had a low IQ.  hmmm  I taught all my life and loved every minute.  I still am giving young people something of myself to help them with English and for them to enjoy too and I'm 82 now.  Josie


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