Funny Poems for Children

By Josie Whitehead

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By Josie Whitehead

I'll Never Be a Laureate

I’ll never be a laureate:

     You have to meet the Queen

And perhaps it’s better that she knows

      I'm read but never seen.


I’ll never be a laureate:

     They don't want poems that rhyme       

And laureates have lots to do

       And I have little time.


I’ll never be a laureate:

      I’m rather shy, you see,

And who wants Granny laureates?

       No - not the job for me!


I’ll never be a laureate:

       I’ve wrinkles on my face 

And, having failed the *eleven plus,

    I quickly learned my place.


I’ll never be a laureate:

     My hair has turned quite white,

Though some old folk write poetry

      That brings children delight!


I’ll never be a laureate:

     My teeth are falling out

And laureates are bright and slim

      Whilst I am dim and stout.

(Ooh - It's not quite true but it rhymes)


I’ll never be a laureate:

      My poems are much too clear -

For: ‘Analyse this obscure verse

     Are words that students fear.


Well, who wants to be a laureate?

      Oh, after I have died

Perhaps you'll write my epitaph:

    ‘Her words went far and wide.’

Copyright on all my poems

When I was 11 years of age, we all took the '11 plus examination' which determined whether you went to Grammar School or not.  I failed and went to a secondary modern school where it was made quite clear to us that we were failures for life.  We were told we had a low IQ.  Writing poetry? No, no, no - although I did write one poem aged 11 and it was published in our school magazine.  (See here).  It has since been published and was chosen by teachers and children in many schools.  We were never taught about rhyme or metre, but I used to love reading the poems of the popular children's poets and if you want to write poetry, do this too. Josie