Funny Poems for Children

By Josie Whitehead

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By Josie Whitehead

God, Save Me From Them All

Dear God:

Save me from the *ostentatious;
Those *pretentious; those *audacious.
    The blasphemous and vulgar-tongued -
    A label not just for the young.

The lazy rich and idle poor –
Yes, lots of them you can be sure;
    Those who sit all day and drink:
    'Another whisky please,' chink chink.

Those who like to bully others,
Seeking weak spots in another.
    Those who hide behind their screens -
    The cyber-bullies sly but mean.

Those who carry chips on shoulders,
Whose inner anger staunchly smoulders.
     The ones for whom I have most pity?
     Those who serve on church committees.

Those whose envy knows no end
Who would want them as a friend?
     Those *semantic, those *pedantic,
     Bred to drive a vicar frantic!!

The fat the thin the short, the tall!
Oh save me, Father, from them all!
     But . . .  God, I’ve something to profess:
     I’m far from perfect, I confess.


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*Ostentatious:  Always showing off to impress others.  Too full of themselves for their own good.

* Pretentious:  In short, show-offs; full of themselves and boring to others.

* Audacious: Showing a willingness to take surprisingly bold risks. 2. Showing an impudent lack of respect. The first definition sounds rather positive/approving, while the second one is negative/disapproving.   (I am referring to the second type).

* Semantic:  The study of discussing the meaning/interpretation of words or groups of words within a certain context; usually in order to win some form of argument.  'Now come on, let's not get bogged down in semantics.'  - I mean. always twisting what people say' to find fault with them.

* Pedantic:  'Pedantic' describes a particular kind of annoying person.   Someone who's too concerned with literal accuracy or formality. It's a negative term that implies someone is showing off book learning or trivia, especially in a tiresome way.  I am thinking of one from our church who, when I wrote: 'The Best Donkey of Them All' - a story about the little donkey who took Mary to Bethlehem, told our children:  'There is no donkey in the Christmas story in the Bible.'  I said: 'Well how did he think she travelled to Bethlehem if not on a donkey?'  Surely poor Mary didn't walk all that way prior to having her baby?  Pedantic man!  - Josie